We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we actually hear the nitty-gritty details of how we might actually achieve those things? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the specifics. This week’s topic: the best places to have sex in public (or just trick yourself into thinking you are).
Q: My boyfriend has always wanted to have sex in public. I’d like to indulge this fantasy of his. Problem is, I’d actually be horribly embarrassed if anyone saw us! How can I give him that thrill without risking getting caught with our pants down?
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A: Having sex in public places is one of those things that sounds delightfully naughty in theory, but doesn’t usually wind up being so hot in real life. Airplane sex is a great example. People get so worked up about joining the mile high club, but if you’ve been in an airplane bathroom anytime recently, you’ll realize that it’s one of the least sexy environments for getting down.
That being said, there is a thrill to the idea that you could get interrupted at any moment. If you’re interested in trying to add a little element of risk to your sex life — without winding up with a public indecency charge on your permanent record — here are some tips.
Tap Into Your Inner Exhibitionist
Here are some ways to try the fantasy on for size before you delve into actual sex in public.
Ease Your Way Into It
You don’t have to go whole-hog right away. If you’re not sure you’ll like public sex, try dipping your toes into the exhibitionist waters with a hot make-out session. Sit in your car in a crowded parking lot, sneak your boyfriend into a department store fitting room, or push him against the wall in an elevator. Kiss him passionately, fondle him over his clothes, and see if the prospect of getting caught turns you on.
Create Other Restrictions
Part of what makes public sex alluring is that you have to be fast, quiet, and sneaky. You can replicate these dynamics without having to risk strangers seeing your genitals. Try having sex when you’re traveling over the holidays; having to go extra slow to avoid making the bed springs creak can be thrilling. Or initiate sex 10 minutes before dinner party guests are due to arrive.
Make Your Home A Little Less Private
Open the doors, windows, or blinds in your apartment to get a taste of public sex without the risk. If you have top-down blinds, you can peek your heads out into the world while keeping your bodies covered. Or you can do it up against the wall next to an open door leading out to your balcony or back porch. If your next door neighbors are outside or within earshot, keep the windows open and try getting it on without making a peep.
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